How to Handle Money Decisions While Grieving a Parent

Losing a parent can be overwhelming. Right behind the grief, the money decisions start—faster than you might expect.

I remember the first time a client of mine passed away. I'd been a financial consultant for about seven years and had worked with the husband and wife. Now the wife and her son came to see me. I could see how sad they were. We talked about what they needed to do next. It was hard, but when I went home that night, I said to myself, "This is why I got into this business," because I felt like I'd helped them and made an impact on their lives. In their time of need and uncertainty, having someone they could trust for knowledge and guidance was meaningful to them.

Nothing makes this process easy. But here are steps to help plan for and navigate financial decisions when you've lost a loved one.

The first days can feel like a blur. You're navigating grief while handling unfamiliar financial decisions. And the immediate costs can add up quickly—often surprising families. These costs can include:

• Funeral, burial, or cremation expenses. These expenses can vary widely, but an average funeral with a viewing and burial could cost around $7,800, while a funeral with cremation could cost around $6,900. Payment is usually required before or at the time of the service.
• Memorial services. Depending on the type of memorial, costs can include the location, travel, lodging, and food. These can potentially be time-consuming and costly.
• Obituaries, flowers, and announcements. Generally, there is a fee for an obituary placement in a newspaper, as well as on online obituary sites. You may also have costs for extras like flowers and announcements.

Covering these costs upfront can feel overwhelming—and can even lead to disagreements. If there aren't clear instructions or funds in place, try to pause and get on the same page with family before making decisions.

If your parent was single and you're managing the closure of the estate, you'll want to gather several important documents. These include:

• Death certificate: Request at least 10 certified copies of the death certificate, as they are required to claim insurance and settle financial matters with banks and brokerages. Your local registrar, health department, or funeral director can help you obtain a death certificate. You may also want to make a digital copy of the death certificate.
• Legal documents: Locate important estate planning and legal documents such as a will, trust, or other estate planning documents.
• Financial documents: Get financial statements from banks, brokerages, retirement accounts, and cryptocurrency accounts (if applicable), as well as business ownership documents, tax returns, and any outstanding medical and credit card statements.
• Title documents: These include house and other real property deeds, as well as vehicle titles.
• Insurance documents: Obtain policy documents such as life insurance, homeowners insurance, casualty insurance, and health insurance.
• Identification documents: Locate the deceased's Social Security card, birth and marriage certificates, and a list of online accounts, including passwords.

Notify financial institutions like banks, brokerages, and lenders to make them aware of the recent loss. Consider running a credit report for the deceased to ensure there isn't any debt in their name that you're unaware of. Close credit card accounts. Be sure to notify the credit bureaus of the death to prevent potential identity theft. Close cell phone, cable, and subscription accounts, as well as social media accounts.

Serving as an executor comes with real responsibility. You are carrying out the decisions of your parent, even if they are not what you would do yourself. Even if you expected this role, it can feel very different once you're in it. There are deadlines and a lot to do while you're grieving.

You'll need to gather documents, handle paperwork, and cover small costs along the way. This can include things like copies, postage, and notary or bank fees. Only the executor can manage the estate cash flow, which can include:

• Depositing checks that arrive after death. Consider keeping the deceased's bank accounts open for at least a year so you can receive payments or refunds, but consider closing outgoing activity.
• Paying final bills. Be sure to check for outstanding credit card bills and other debts that need to be paid off.
• Filing final federal and state income tax returns. This could include estate tax returns, depending on the size of the estate.
• Tracking transactions. This is important, especially for inheritance payouts that may be contested. Keep detailed records and consider creating a shareable spreadsheet so other family members have visibility into transactions as they occur.

On the emotional side, naming one child as executor can sometimes create family tension. Old sibling rivalries may resurface, leading to disagreements during an already difficult time. When disagreements arise, the executor administers estate assets under the will and applicable law, while the trustee administers trust assets under the trust and applicable law. An estate attorney can help clarify each person's authority and any permitted discretion. The executor cannot make their own decisions about who receives what unless the document specifically gives them discretion to do so. However, when an estate plan does grant the executor flexibility, particularly when distributing personal belongings, conflicts can arise if multiple family members want the same items. If there is discretion, it could help reduce misunderstandings if the executor clearly documents who will receive specific possessions and communicates those plans in advance of the distribution.

Going through a parent's belongings is never just about "stuff." It's emotional, time-consuming, and often more expensive than expected. Taking small steps and going at your own pace can help lighten the load.

Figuring out what to keep, sell, or donate isn't easy. Storage, appraisals, and clean-out services can add up fast. It may be hard to realize that things your parents valued deeply may not be worth as much on the market. Give yourself permission to take breaks.

This is a lot to handle while mourning, so take the time you need. You don't have to do it all at once—or do it all yourself. Divide the tasks with other family members. To help get through this, create and share checklists. Reach out to financial and legal experts and people you trust.

Give yourself a break when needed and realize that you're doing this under extraordinary circumstances. This could be one of the hardest financial experiences you will ever face. Remember, you're doing the best you can—and that's more than enough in a moment like this.